how to quit a job:

  • get a ‘replacement’ job (ideally, unless you prefer being broke and living on the edge and/or are afraid of long-term commitments)
  • tell someone (preferably your supervisor) two weeks in advance that you will be leaving the company
  • finish up all of your work
  • say goodbye to coworkers by writing one of those generic email things
  • go out for drinks one last time (in my case i spent a happy hour drinking wine from people’s desk drawers.  and coke that expired in april.  it was bad so i didn’t finish it – thanks in advance for your concern)
  • go out for one last lunch that someone else pays for – i would recommend eating caramel apple pecan french toast from wildberry
  • give your computer/blackberry/building badge back to HR and complete an exit interview
  • wave goodbye, hug it out, leave the building and continue onto greater adventures! (or run a few errands)

how not to quit a job:

  • receive a job offer and immediately email your current project manager to tell them you will not be returning to boise, idaho (the client site) ever again.
  • justify this to yourself by noting that you have a week of deferred vacation that you have to use and also that it’s cold in boise in the winter and you don’t like cold weather because it makes your skin too dry.
  • refuse to do any work.  you’re on vacation, dammit.  even if that means you’re sitting at your boyfriend’s apartment watching jeopardy.
  • decide against an exit interview
  • somehow get put on the no-hire list because of some travel reimbursement misunderstandings (why does the company need a receipt?!) and general dislike from management because of previously-mentioned refusing to go back to boise and do work.
  • ‘forget’ to return computer and all other ‘equipment’, because darnit you have files and music and shit on there and it’s actually also used as your personal computer and you don’t want to go computerless!  maybe the company will just forget you have it…  it turns out, they don’t forget and they will send you emails threatening to put a warrant out for your arrest for stealing their stuff.  fail.
  • send back the laptop in a box.  with no padding.  oh well, serves them right for asking for their stuff back in the first place!  (eye roll at myself)
  • don’t tell any coworkers you’re leaving or write a goodbye email, thinking facebook will notify everyone who cares.

i’ve become so much wiser in just 18 months.  yay for wisdom!


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